For the first time, I saw a tooth knocked out. Surprisingly, there wasn't a lot of drama around it, I think because my eldest, who is 6, was finally ready to loose THAT tooth, being pushed out by his upcoming adult teeth.
I was in the kitchen, my eldest was in the living room. I heard a big bang and when I came in the room I saw him just standing there in shock and crying. His eyes kept looking at a little white pebble on the ground amidst the strewn toys all over. OH! Poor kid...did you honestly just fall on your face & knock out the one last front tooth that you had? Yes, he did.
Wonderful husband is sick. He came home from work and was sleeping when this all happened. Even with feeling under the weather, he swiftly came to our rescue with ice and a washcloth. I could tell his heart was broken too. He even made a comment with a sad look on his face that if he wasn't sick, this wouldn't have happened. Yes, it still would have, I reassured him, and I believe it.
After a Popsicle and sitting on my lap in front of Little Einsteins, my eldest was fine. Listening to classical music, watching a nice easy show, he seemed absolutely recovered. He complained a bit about it being sore, so Tylenol that I provided to him should have helped. He actually slept in for a whole 12 hours of rest...obviously needed. I tried to focus only on the tooth fairy, who was now coming tonight to drop off 5 gold dollar coins in exchange for his tooth.
I held up really well during the ordeal, but after I put the kids to bed, finished the chores for the night...I lost it. I was at the grocery store and while I was putting the empty cart away, finally out of any public eyes, I started crying and just couldn't stop. Tears were just streaming down my face the entire drive home and while I hung out alone in the driveway. I needed to sit there just to let myself recognize my feelings in that moment and acknowledge how truly terrible I feel.
I know we have the attention of a good dentist (who I'm still waiting to hear from after that annual conference) but it is just plain heart wrenching to see my wonderful son have to carry so many burdens. He has such a cute smile, how in the world can he possibly be missing 8 of his primary teeth, not yet to be replaced by those big adult ones? How is it remotely possible that this will help his esteem, ability to make friends, ability to eat to put on the much needed weight & height, ability to articulate? All that and more is going through my head and my chest only feels heavy with sadness and fear.
I knew the teeth were going to fall out, Dr. Wonderful told us so...but it isn't making it any easier when it happens. This is almost what it felt like when he curiously lost his first on vacation in Michigan at only 20 months...though the fear that I have wasn't there like it is now. I'm afraid about what is in store for the future...what kind of doctors, tests, and procedures is Dr. Wonderful going to put him in front of and through to help 'fix' this dental problem.
Like the IEP was all consuming in my brain and conversations, all it is replaced with is fear and sadness. Though I do recognize this could be worse. Things could always be worse. But I have a huge fear that things will be worse, and I think that is why I'm so heartbroken about this all...I just don't know what is in store for him, and the shockers seem to just keep coming.
It sucks to keep writing about all this downer materials and updates. I do have fun and I do celebrate things and I do talk about other things...but I need this blog to let loose with what I need to talk about, and can't possibly let this downer of a topic be the only conversation topic I have with people. So, to spare all of you who listen to me...I have to write about it.
I really wish I could find something funny to write about instead...like finding candy in the car as a bonus, or falling down the stairs (which I did Sunday...face first), or talking about the 5K I successfully ran this weekend. But I'm sorry, my fingers and my heart just won't let me. I'll be joyous in person...because like a woman I love once said to me...if I talk about it, I'll cry. If I write about it, I can think it through, acknowledge it, and then move on without the tears (for as many minutes at a time as I possibly can).
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