A tooth update: meeting Dr. Periodontist

Last week we met with the periodontist.  It's been a slight whirlwind of a couple weeks, with some Thanksgiving rest peppered in there, that I haven't updated on what is going on here.

First thing, Dr. Periodontist appeared knowledgeable, but the one thing I really liked: he was very responsive.

He confirmed that the loss of teeth is not from an infection (which we all knew).  Meeting with the geneticist this quarter, we have a new plan to do further testing to hopefully figure out what is going on genetically with our eldest.  With that further testing, available now from new technology, hopefully we can get an affirmative answer on why he is losing his teeth.

Okay.  Another waiting game to find out what the cause is...IF we ever find out the cause.

But, Mr. Periodontist, what about his cavity?

His answer:  I don't see a point to fill it, just like Dr. Wonderful Dentist stated, so let's have Dr. Wonderful Dentist follow it.

My mommy instinct says - Dr. Periodontist thinks that Dr. Wonderful is on top of it...but I think Dr. Wonderful was passing it onto Dr. Periodontist.  I think I should probably make an appointment at our original pediatric dentist to look at and resolve.  Noted!

So, we aren't done with Dr. Wonderful Dentist yet.  Good thing I didn't blast his name all over the place.

However, unlike Dr. Wonderful Dentist, this periodontist already sent me a follow-up letter in the mail.  I have much faith in this periodontist.

For my friends who aren't used to visiting 'specialists,'  you typically get a summary letter after every visit.  This summary letter is addressed to the attending doctor, like the pediatrician, and they usually copy you.  This is along the same letters Dr. Wonderful dentist was going to send to the head of Children's genetics, and also our pediatrician...neither which he has penned.  But anyway...

What the next steps are:
> Dentures/Replacements?  His answer:  Not yet.
> Get a full mouth x-ray from his old pediatric doctor & come back and visit Dr. Periodontist in March, I can even plan it the same day we are supposed to get back to Dr. Wonderful Dentist
>  The only caveat, we need to get back to Dr. Periodontist if any more teeth are actively falling out before our next target appointment

...everything works out...I'll get back to our original dentist and have his full mouth x-ray done & also have him look at the cavity.  It is amazing how things can get scheduled well.  Just like the ear tube surgery on the same day as the MRI!

I managed this scheduling magain again for appointments coming up in December.  Just yesterday I managed to get the first appointment of the day with the ENT for the same day we are traveling downtown for an afternoon appointment with the Endocrinologist.  2 appointments in 1 day...AWESOME!  Also...that morning, we will fit in some special genetic lab work for the 3 of us: eldest, wonderful husband and me.

Everyone has a super power.  My super power?  PLANNING :)

Thanksgiving

It is such a grand holiday.  My mom hosts the dinner every year.  This hear she had around 60 people.  Yes, 60 relatives all at her house for dinner.

It was busy and that is wonderful and cool.  All these people (many who were not present) come from only my dad, his two sisters, and one brother.  Hard to believe that at this party of ~60 people I had only one aunt and two uncles present...the rest...we were all cousins.  There are 18 first cousins, and most have married and multiplied.

COUSINS.  They are great.  All my cousins on this side are older than me, but I love talking with all of them.  Most have children, some now adults and some still kids.  My three adore their older cousins and once the arrived at my parent's house...I couldn't find them at all.  That only means one thing:  They were having a BLAST.

This is the same crew we vacation with once a year in wonderful Michigan.  So we know each other well.

My favorite part of the night was when dinner was done and we were all sitting around a large table talking, laughing, talking, and laughing.  It was sweeted up a bit when my cousin C's delicious eclair cake was found in the fridge, forgotten to be brought out with the rest of the desserts.  The dozen or so of us who remained cheered and polished off that cake with no remorse.

Thank goodness for family...and elastic waisted pants!

How do you not take things personally?

Seriously.  How do you not take things personally?  I'd love to know.  I need to know.  I need to work on this.

I take everything personally.  I take work personally.  I take my kids personally.  I'm overly sensitive, I suppose.

Taking things personally is not always a problem.  For me, it means I can do things with drive and passion.  I put my whole self into it.  I try my hardest and do what needs to be done to make it successful.

Did you see that key word that is the core of my problems? success

I need to say to myself:  LET GO!

When your kids wake up 'off' and throw temper tantrums...it is not a reflection of what you are doing right or wrong this morning...it is just that they are 'off.'

When your work is wanting to load you up with things and you feel like you are drowning...it does not mean you can't handle your job...it means that there is just a lot work to get done.

It's the success-factor.  The fear of failure.

In the morning, like this morning...I try to rationalize.  I try to calm.  I try to meet people's needs.  But no matter what I do, nothing is good enough.  Nothing stops the screaming.  Nothing stops the crying.  Nothing stops it.

At work...the loads of work that they are roping me in to help get done...does not mean they think I will fix it alone.  Or that I even can fix it alone.  It doesn't help that the hot-head manager that I'm trying to help out, is as hot-headed as my eldest.  And his temper tantrums are basically like what I experienced today.

Don't both these people realize:  I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN!  GIVE ME A BREAK!

But there it is...the source of my agony...I can't take the lack of resolution weigh on my shoulders alone.  I can't take it personally.

It is in my nature to take things personally.  How do you not?  Really...I want to know...what tools & methods do people use to not take something personally?  Or am I forever doomed to my eventual self-destruction because I can't deflect this?  Is it something I'm born with genetically?  Is it tied to my horoscope sign?  Is it where I was born in birth order?

Help!!!!

Luckily, in the heat of the moment, there is still some ability for me to rationalize.  I called my mom this morning and she came to my rescue to help with the eldest and console me.  I called my boss, and have an appointment with him in 15 mins.  (Side note:  Not sure if telling my boss I'm drowning with anxiety is a good thing...but I'm going with it)  I'm getting people to help...but I am not sure it will help me fix the core of the problem:  Me.  I'm taking it personally.  I'm feeling like I'm failing.  It is all in me...how can I deflect it without self-destructing?

29 days for a 50 minute yield. A tooth update.

We met with Dr. Wonderful Dentist on Monday, 10/15.  He looked me in the face and told me he would be calling a periodontist by Wednesday.  If I don't hear back from him, call on Thursday, 10/18.

I called one week later 10/23.  Maybe that was my mistake. His secretary knew nothing about the outstanding call to the periodontist.  She would follow up with Dr. Wonderful Dentist and call me back on Thursday, 10/25.  I never got a call back.  Is anyone surprised?  They shouldn't be.

I called back on 11/9, the office was closed, but I left a message that went something like this:

Hi. Dr. Wonderful said he would be calling a Dr. Periodontist before we scheduled an appointment with him.  I'm most concerned about the cavity on the eldest's tooth, that Dr. Wonderful pointed out and wanted Dr. Periodontist to address.  It's been a month and he said he'd call him the week we met with him back in October.  I am concerned because I don't want this cavity to get worse.

Yesterday, 10/13...this is what happened:

3:51:  I got a call back from his personal secretary.  She said that Dr. Wonderful called Dr. Periodontist and they will call you (sigh).

4:41: I got a call from Dr. Periodontist's office.  We have an appointment setup for Monday 11/19.

I will bet all my money that Dr. Wonderful Dentist called Dr. Periodontist that same afternoon.  It took Dr. Periodontist no time flat to call us.  This means, that we waited almost a full month for a quick phone call & to get into Dr. Periodontist's office.

Am I mad?  Yes.  Am I annoyed?  Yes.  Do I despise Dr. Wonderful Dentist?  Yes.  Do I feel that visiting him has gotten us any further in our constant quest?  Maybe.

Am I done with Dr. Wonderful Dentist?  Maybe.

It is really hard to not think of him like a filthy little liar.  He isn't doing this pro bono.  And he isn't in our insurance.  So, for the 3 meetings we have had with him face to face...yes, for these 6 months, and all this promise of 'top priority', 'I'll work to get this solved', 'we will fix this'...I have only seen the guy 3 times.  And it cost us $328.  I will confess, I do feel like I've been scammed.  I think he also thinks we are a bit stupid, or naive...in the fact that we aren't calling him out or clearly furious at him when we see him face to face.  Little does he know, it is a constant moral struggle on my part to not to print his name in this blog.

The bottom line...if Dr. Periodontist can take over the oral care...I don't think I need to go back to Dr. Wonderful Dentist anymore.

Gotta stop crying in the morning

Last Thursday was the rude awakening back to my 'real' life.  Today, was not a good morning either.  I don't think this is a 'Thursday' thing, instead, a break in routine.

Here is the routine that seems to work for us in the morning:

Get the eldest up, literally pick him up out of his bed, carry him to the kitchen table and continue with the morning.

This routine seems to go pretty well.

What exactly is it that makes things go so horribly wrong?   With me in tears?  Yelling at my eldest son in front of parents and my father at school...sounding like a lunatic?  Angry and resentful at my son?  All before both him and I go on with our busy and demanding days (Seriously, his day is just as hard as mine...if not harder)

What happened today?

I was still in bed when the boys came in my room.  I was awake with darling daughter and we were just chatting.  Twin brother had a Lego magazine in his hand, and Eldest realized he didn't have his Lego magazine.

SHOOT - this is where the breaking point comes from.  Any kind of deviation, no matter how calm I am at addressing it...is really hard to manage.

I tried to stop & get everyone to the kitchen table, but it was already too late.  Screaming about the wrong bowl, Screaming that he doesn't want cereal or to eat at all...while I'm trying to get the twins started & searching the house (6 rooms of it) for this Lego magazine.  Couldn't find it.  No matter how much I tried to say we would find it for him...it wouldn't help.

So from there, it was a lot of wrong.  'I'm going to block this door', 'I'm going to annoy my sister because I'm not feeling 'right'', 'I'm going to dilly dally', 'I'm going to touch everything in sight'...if only I could really write how frustrating it is...but all if it comes to...this: Mom's patience and caring burning out...all within a 45 minute period: 7:00 - 7:45 am, and just downhill for the rest of the morning: 7:50 - 8:25 when I can finally drop him off.

Yesterday I had it right, things are hard for him.  But when things are hard for him, sometimes they are just plain hard for me.  I'm not proud of today.  We departed at the school door with both of us in tears.  My poor father just stood there, at the sidelines, seeing the tornado of a family we sometimes are.  Unfortunately, this is sometimes our reality.

I know what to do...I have to get us to a family counselor so we can figure out how to mitigate some of this emotion for all of us.  To get us to this family counselor...I need to find the paper I have her name written on & make the appointment...if I only had time to do that.  Yes, it would take 5 minutes...but I can't seem to find that 5 minutes, even though I know how critical it is.

LMFAO

I'm talking about the rap group LMFAO...not the Internet acronym for laughing hysterically (in nicer terms than what it actually stands for).

All this morning, I've been hearing in my head their song 'Shots, Shots, Shots.'  I wish instead it was the lyrics 'Everyday I'm shufflin'.

Last night was the first of hundreds, if not thousands, of my endearing eldest's daily shots of growth hormones.  If it isn't one thing, it's another for this kid.  But with every challenge, he takes it like a champ.

He took the shot like a brave big boy - didn't cry, didn't flinch, didn't give us a hard time.  We will see what it is like every night from here on, to see if we keep getting the same response.

Hopefully this new regime of medical intervention will give us what he needs to catch up on not only his growth, but also his strength.  If that is the case, maybe, just maybe, other things will finally start to be easier for him...like writing, sitting, walking, going up and down stairs, gym class, grooming, getting changed, coordination...it is our constant endeavor to help him along to make things easier for him.  What I want to make easier for him, is the normal the rest of us take for granted.

Brief reprieve from my life

Last week I had an opportunity to travel on business.  This meant, I got to be responsible for only myself, not take care of any kids, not do any housework, or homework, or therapies, or anything.

What did I do?  I ate, I learned, I socialized with co-workers, I shopped, I ate, I shopped.  It was great.  It was exactly what my life was like about 10 - 15 years ago.

I was miserable when I wasn't a mom.  I know that, and I don't want to go back to that place in time, but having a little respite did do me good.

What has been up since then?
> Dr. Wonderful Dentist still hasn't called me back about the conversation he was going to have the next day from our last appointment with the periodontist.  Are we surprised?  No...not at all.

> We met with our geneticist...and she has a possible condition/syndrome we are looking into, but requires more testing that I have to get okay'd with the insurance company.

> Endearing Eldest is starting a daily shot tonight for growth hormones.  A shot every day for the next 11 years.  I am dreading this for him.  To get pregnant with him, I had to take over 100 shots, some every day for about 4 months.  It was worth it, but for him, the end goal is still out with the jury to see if it is worth it.

> I attended my dear cousin's mom's wake and funeral.  She passed away and I'm so sad for my dear friend and my cousins.  It was a long while ago when she was first diagnosed with a brain tumor...it was a blog I wrote about my cousin on a pilgramage to Medjugorje and the letter I could write for petitions to Mary.  I prayed for her.  I know my cousin's mom is in heaven with Mary and Jesus...she was a wonderful woman.  And my cousin is a dear role model for the loving and dignifying care she gave to  her mother during her illness.  I hope I can do the same for my parents and my son.

> I went for dinner with one of my best friends at a glorious steakhouse, then to see the touring dance troupe from the show 'So You Think You Can Dance'; again, we were living like we were 10 years ago.

Life right now is all over the spectrum.  I feel like I'm in auto-pilot...but that is okay.  Going through the motions is not a bad thing...it is survival, and I'm doing what I need to do...but I feel very disorganized and slightly out of control at the same time.  I'm just trying to have faith that the auto-pilot is programmed on the right course and we aren't heading for a crash.