Last week I had an opportunity to travel on business. This meant, I got to be responsible for only myself, not take care of any kids, not do any housework, or homework, or therapies, or anything.
What did I do? I ate, I learned, I socialized with co-workers, I shopped, I ate, I shopped. It was great. It was exactly what my life was like about 10 - 15 years ago.
I was miserable when I wasn't a mom. I know that, and I don't want to go back to that place in time, but having a little respite did do me good.
What has been up since then?
> Dr. Wonderful Dentist still hasn't called me back about the conversation he was going to have the next day from our last appointment with the periodontist. Are we surprised? No...not at all.
> We met with our geneticist...and she has a possible condition/syndrome we are looking into, but requires more testing that I have to get okay'd with the insurance company.
> Endearing Eldest is starting a daily shot tonight for growth hormones. A shot every day for the next 11 years. I am dreading this for him. To get pregnant with him, I had to take over 100 shots, some every day for about 4 months. It was worth it, but for him, the end goal is still out with the jury to see if it is worth it.
> I attended my dear cousin's mom's wake and funeral. She passed away and I'm so sad for my dear friend and my cousins. It was a long while ago when she was first diagnosed with a brain tumor...it was a blog I wrote about my cousin on a pilgramage to Medjugorje and the letter I could write for petitions to Mary. I prayed for her. I know my cousin's mom is in heaven with Mary and Jesus...she was a wonderful woman. And my cousin is a dear role model for the loving and dignifying care she gave to her mother during her illness. I hope I can do the same for my parents and my son.
> I went for dinner with one of my best friends at a glorious steakhouse, then to see the touring dance troupe from the show 'So You Think You Can Dance'; again, we were living like we were 10 years ago.
Life right now is all over the spectrum. I feel like I'm in auto-pilot...but that is okay. Going through the motions is not a bad thing...it is survival, and I'm doing what I need to do...but I feel very disorganized and slightly out of control at the same time. I'm just trying to have faith that the auto-pilot is programmed on the right course and we aren't heading for a crash.
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