Thinking of the bullying incident with the band teacher and a parent-interaction I had this weekend had me thinking...what prepares someone for being a parent of a special-needs child?
How does bullying and being a parent even relate? Here is how it can:
While I was waiting for dance class to be over, with a 5" binder of papers, a stack of print outs, and an Educational Book in front of me, a father approached me and asked if I was an Occupational Therapist. I said no, but I'm a parent of a son who has Occupational Therapy and I'm preparing for his upcoming IEP where I am going to try to get him more OT, so I'm learning all I can to prepare. He started to share with me his son's similar situation and some of his own struggles.
The thing that struck a chord was that he looked at me very sad and said something along the lines of: "Sometimes I'm so embarrassed by my kid and I hate that. When we are out in public and he does stuff he can't control, I hate it and I'm mad at him, only because it embarrasses me."
I was sympathetic because I've been there. Right now I'm not there. Right now I'm not afraid of what other people think but that's not to say that I won't ever experience that feeling again. Somehow I got over the fear of what 'other people' will think when I have my 6 year old sitting on my lap in a restaurant and I'm feeding him, or other a-typical things that it is so easy for people to be judgemental about.
I was thinking...how did I get over this fear? It could be a lot of things...good things I have experienced and bad things too. Hence...bullying.
Could my confidence of supporting my child in difficult public situations come from the past bullying experiences I've had with the Angelas, Janes, Katies, Amys, Mollys, or Nicoles? Could it be that through grammar school, and high school, even through college I had to learn to keep continuing on even though people will try to be mean and pass judgement?
It could be that my confidence comes from my huge support system of people that love me. It could be from my family and friends who tell me and more importantly, show me that they love me unconditionally and that I will always have a place in their lives without fear of ridicule or criticism.
Could it have been by luck in the extra-curricular activities I participated in when growing up? The theater and music, forcing to put myself out there, not sure if the audience will like it or not, but needing self-esteem to give it a try and be happy with my own performance? The girl scouts that showed me that I can be me, brave, friendly and resourceful?
Is it that at one point when I was feeling fearful of what 'other people' thought...that Wonderful Husband reminded me that we wanted our eldest so bad, that when I was newly pregnant with him and the doctor found something that needed some 'further looking into' during an ultrasound that both he and I agreed that we wanted this child and will love this child no matter who he is, or what struggles he may have?
It could be from all of the above. Or a combination of it. Or this and more.
Whatever it is, to be a parent of a special-needs child, you need to have confidence, self-esteem, patience, and a lot of love from a good support system. If I was asked to describe myself, I wouldn't think of naming confidence, self-esteem and patience...not in the least. But looking at it from an outsider's perspective, I probably do have those things. I know I have love in my life, and with that fuel of love and support, I can keep going forward and do what I need to do to support my wonderful kid, without worrying about those theoretic 'other people' might think.
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