Bullying

There is a large movement now for anti-bullying.  I approve of this.  In lunch this week with some friends, one was telling of the importance of a bystander in stopping bullying.  Not much has to be done by the bystander, except maybe saying stop.

There was once a situation where I was a kid, and an adult was bullying a kid.  I stood up for the kid against the adult.  All I remember is that it was a reflex, how it was intimidating, but how proud of myself I felt and I'll share why.

In 8th grade I was in band.  We had this band director who was phenomenal at his craft and was an award winning band director at an all-boys high school.  Why this man, with an enormous temper, ever wanted to teach young kids how to play an instrument is probably the question someone should have asked, because it was really not a good match.

One day, a 5th grader had to leave band practice to go to the orthodontist.  In front of everyone, the band director started yelling at her, saying how she was a terrible saxophone player, leaving would just make her worse, and how she probably shouldn't even be in the band.  You may read this and be appalled.  This was not an uncommon experience with this guy, but then again, there wasn't a formal bullying awareness and anti-bullying program in the 80s.

Since I was in 8th grade, our job was to pack up the chairs after band practice.  While I was doing that, the 5th grader's mom came into the class room and started giving the band director a piece of her mind on what her daughter reported back.  She really let him have it.  His response "I never said that."

I'm not sure what came over me but I piped in with: "Yes you did."

I wasn't a part of the conversation, I was merely a bystander in the same room.  Maybe the part that made it come out of my mouth is that I was standing there in my catholic grammar school, where we were taught...don't tell lies.  And he just did.  Maybe it was that I didn't like him that much, and I wasn't going to let him get away with this.

I don't recall what happened next, except for that when she left, the band director turned to me and asked "Why did you say that?"  My response: "Because you DID say that."  I do remember the conversation ended right there.  I think just sticking to the facts made there no further argument, how could he deny it or argue more?

I'm sure my blood pressure was high and I was nervous about getting in trouble with an adult, etc etc.  But shortly after that, my mom said she got a call from that 5th grader's mom saying how happy she was that I stuck up for her daughter like that.  I do remember my mom telling me how proud she was of me.

Being the type-A personality that I am, there are many things that I replay in my head and 99% of the time, they are negative: that I should have something different, things I did I'm now embarrassed about, or something I did or said that I shouldn't have at all.

After 23 years from this incident happening, it will replay sometimes in my head...and I still feel that strong sense of empowerment in my chest, joy of how proud my mom was of me, and an overall good feeling of who I am for standing up and doing the right thing.