I've been talking a lot lately about confidence, bullying, and parenting a special needs kid. This month, I'm obsessed with our family 'struggles.' It's all from the timing of the eldest's 3 year full re-evaluation and IEP review.
The full re-evaluation is a comprehensive look at where you are from all aspects...IQ, gross motor, fine motor, physically, emotionally. Heck...I've never had this done to myself. I can't tell you what my IQ is, my ability for 'executive function', or my processing skills. But I can tell you my 6 year old's scores.
The IEP is the 'Individualized Education Plan' for special needs kids. It's where the school says what they are working on to get the child 'caught up' and legally, they have to hold to it and measure against it.
This process is hard for a parent...it's a lot of information gathering, researching, filling out questionnaires, and focusing in on all the 'problems' that someone has. It's very disheartening. At the same time, it's nice to look at the things the eldest has accomplished: he can read, he can print, he is a great kid. Though, with any cloudy day...the sunlight only shows through a little bit.
Monday was Casimir Pulaski day, so Wonderful Husband and the eldest had off work and school. The three of us went out for breakfast. The eldest does great in restaurants, especially the breakfast joint we frequent. The entire staff knows him by name, so it's easy for us since we know they forgive our 'quirks.'
The breakfast was great, pretty relaxing...it consisted of us pretty much spoon feeding our 6 year old to get him to continue eating, giving him hugs often as he kept dancing around the table out of his chair, and us picking up things off the floor (mostly from me knocking things down trying to prevent a spill). Wonderful husband and I were in a very good mood.
As an older couple was leaving, they stopped by our table and told us how great of parents we are, that we are doing a good job, and "God bless us both." My response is to smile, thank them and say with a laugh, "Thanks! We need it. God bless you too."
These encounters actually aren't uncommon. Though, with all this dreary focus on the evaluation and IEP, I'm really down in the dumps, so I'm teetering between feeling good about this comment, and feeling sorry for myself. I think that is the part about depression and anxiety...it's a black hole that is hard to get out of.
It was nice of that elderly man to say that. Maybe he is from a similar situation with his own kids or grandchildren. It is encouraging, since some of the other patrons kept looking over at us throughout our meal. Maybe they were impressed how we were keeping our cool...or maybe they were judging us. Confidence...and the love of Wonderful Husband has me not caring either way.
But, like many dark times in my life...I'll say "I feel sorry for me." Right now, I feel sorry for me. The man giving his sympathy to us just makes it all come to a realization that the road we are on is hard and it's not going to end anytime soon. I'm trying my darnedest to take what he said on the positive side, accept his blessing, and try to focus that we are doing a good job. Though, I just wish this anxiety and depression and feeling sorry for myself would cease.
No comments:
Post a Comment