"I can relate"

I realized yesterday, that these three simple words can easily avoid lots of problems: "I can relate"

We all know story-toppers and I think at the core, we are all afraid of being one.  The problem is that when you want to contribute to a conversation, sometimes you are just giving your experience of a similiar situation, but it comes off as a story topper, or worse: discounting the other person's experience.

By using the words "I can relate" before jumping in...I think a lot of hurt and misunderstanding can be avoided.

Consider this conversation:
Me: {talking about the special ed program and my son's special needs}

Coworker: "Oh, I think my situation is harder with my son who is above average and in enrichment.  Enrichment programs just don't get the attention that special ed does, so it's hard to get the school on board with his special needs."

Now...before jumping down her throat...I see her point.  Kids who are more advanced don't always get the attention they need.  This is why there is Bill Gates, who is a high school drop out, but a genius.  And a guy I worked with who was a computer programming whiz, and same as Bill, a high school drop out.

If only she said "I can relate to how hard it is to get special services in the school system..." and then share her story.  It's a lot less harsh.

Life is not a contest.  It's not about who has the best, biggest, worst, hardest...it's just that we all want to be recognized, sympathized, justified...  We can relate to other's situations and experiences.  We just need to be a little more aware how we are submitting our contributions to a conversation.